well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
