just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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