Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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