I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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