Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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