In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
