smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
