I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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