all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
