I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
