That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
