I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
