I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
