I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
