Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
