They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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