You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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