Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
