i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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