Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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