I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
