i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
