If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Buhtt sex?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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