I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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