cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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