Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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