I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
