i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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