I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
