I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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