We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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