I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
