So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize