wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
