STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
