I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
