you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
