the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
