I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
