Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
