Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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