I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize