I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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