i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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