i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
