the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
