So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
