My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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