In the future we'll all be gay
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
