remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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