the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
