Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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