I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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