Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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