32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
