im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
