I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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