I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
