I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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