I hate your face
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
