Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
