Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
