So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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