I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
