yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
