He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
