Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
