i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My ass is underappreciated
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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