on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
