did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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