Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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