afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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