the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
