Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
