yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
