it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
