What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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