In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
