On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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